14th-20th January

Training Report:

It's been a week of contrasts. The first half was amazing the second half was a load of old rubbish.

Monday through to Thursday couldn't have gone any better. I was running well, completing all my runs, and enjoying myself both on and off the track. But from Thursday onwards I was a different runner. It was as if overnight a button had been pressed. I was lethargic, not in my running but in my general self. I'd lost enthusiasm for doing anything, let alone running about a bit! My mind was very much distracted from any task I tried to complete. Certain activities gave my mind a rest, a momentary distraction from my troubles, but unfortunately it wasn't running. The nature of running means mentally it's not that distracting, especially whilst completing long runs. It's easier to concentrate whilst doing speed sessions but it's all too easy to get distracted in your mind, even when racing.

I was extremely restless and bored, but I could not sum up the willpower to change this. The things outside of my running which were not going as hoped, which to start off with had not impeded on my training, now took centre stage. I started to become somewhat lost in the loneliness and loonieness of the long distance runner!!

Doing what I'm trying to achieve is such a long term plan that the end never seems to be in sight. I have short term goals, such as the Surrey Championships and various other races, but the end goal is a long way off. What doesn't help is that there are no guarantees that the goal will be met. A massive range of factors can effect the perceived outcome. And when one thing in my life suddenly changes, or I feel as the goal posts have been moved, even if it has no relevance to the actual act of being able to get out and run, it makes me question what I'm doing. As most of my life is now devoted to running it's sometimes hard to keep up the enthusiasm for it when other things are going on around me. It's the same for many things in everyone's life, yet when something changes in mine and prevents me physically or mentally from running as I would like, it adds stress to what should be the most enjoyable job in the world!

I would love to sometimes stop for a week or two, spontaneously or just because things are getting hard, but it's not an option where I am. My personal life is my professional life. When you train well your goal feels closer, when you don't they seems further away. If you complete a week's schedule exactly as you'd plan the goal feels obtainable, but if you miss a session you feel a sense of failure or disappointment in your achievements. So to down tools and do nothing mentally makes the whole thing worse.

Thankfully because I've got through many torturous training sessions and many long lonely miles my head is tougher than it use to be. As I write this at the beginning of a new week the troubles and distractions no longer seem so big, they aren't the all consuming issues that I'd thought. They are still there, and I expect they'll remain there until it's all resolved, but I've been able to put them at the back of my mind. Running is now a distraction to the distraction! What's more, I've done all the runs I've intended to do, so that goal as far off as it may be, seems that little bit closer!